-from Bossypants by Tina Fey
"I took a job as the night box office manager at Summer Showtime because my eleventh-grade boyfriend said we'd have fun there. He promptly broke up with me to date a hot blonde dancer girl to whom he is now married, God bless us every one. I should have known he and I weren't going to make it when for my seventeenth birthday he gave me a box of microwave popcorn and a used battery tester. You know, to test batteries before I put them in my Walkman. Like you give someone when you're in love."
-from Bossypants by Tina Fey
"I don't remember how we first came to be making out in a car, but it was awesome so I kept doing it. Should it have been a 'red flag' to me that these incidents would only take place under the cover of night, in the back driveway behind my on-campus housing? Absolutely. Was it 'not great' that there was never any actual 'date' before these events and that it was a secret? Of course."
-from Bossypants by Tina Fey
"[He] would take a pretty date to the party while I attended with friends, and then he'd pick me up later for car sports. Sometimes we would just drive around. ... To this day, I do not understand what this boy was up to. Was it a control experiment to see how much boring nothingness I would put up with before we finally made out? Possibly."
-from Bossypants by Tina Fey
"I have a uniquely German capacity to vacillate between sentimentality and coldness."
-from Bossypants by Tina Fey
This next quote is also from Bossypants. It's Tina Fey's response to one of her negative fan mails ...
From Dlisted.com"My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne."
Posted by Centaurious on Monday, 9/21/2009, 2:08 a.m.
"Tina Fey is an ugly, pear-shaped, bitchy, overrated troll."
Dear Centaurious,
First let me say how inspiring it is that you have learned to use a computer.
I had for our correspondence to be confrontational, but you have offended me deeply. To say that I'm an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair. I'll leave it for others to say if I'm the best, but I am certainly one of the most dedicated trolls guarding bridges today. I always ask three questions, at least who of which are riddles.
As for "ugly, pear-shaped, and bitchy"? I prefer the terms "off-beat, business class-assed, and exhausted," but I'll take what I can get. There's no such thing as bad press!
Now go to bed, you crazy night owl! You have to be at NASA early in the morning. So they can look for your penis with the Hubble telescope.
Affectionately,
Tina
-from Bossypants by Tina Fey
"My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING."
-from Bossypants by Tina Fey
"By the way, when Oprah Winfrey is suggesting you have overextended yourself, you need to examine your f***ing life."
-from Bossypants by Tina Fey
"You're an artist ... That means you see the world in ways that other people don't. It's your gift, to see the beauty and the horror in ordinary things. It doesn't make you crazy -- just different."
-from City of Bones (Mortal Instruments #1) by Cassandra Clare
"The only time people turned to watch her go by was when she hurtled past them as she fell downstairs."
-from City of Bones (Mortal Instruments #1) by Cassandra Clare
"Demons come from other worlds. They're interdimensional parasites. They come to a world and use it up. They can't build, just destroy -- they can't make, only use. They drain a place to ashes and when it's dead, they move on to the next one."
-from City of Bones (Mortal Instruments #1) by Cassandra Clare
"If you insisting on disavowing that which is ugly about what you do ... you will never learn from your mistakes."
-from City of Bones (Mortal Instruments #1) by Cassandra Clare
"To draw something is to try to capture it forever ... If you really love something, you never try to keep it the way it is forever. You have to let it be free to change."
-from City of Ashes (Mortal Instruments #2) by Cassandra Clare
"L'amor che move il sole e l'altre stelle. ... It means ... that love is the most powerful force in the world. That love can do anything."
-from City of Fallen Angels (Mortal Instruments #4) by Cassandra Clare
"She knew how breakups went from hearing other girls complain about them. First the pulling away, the gradual refusal to return notes or phone calls. The vague messages saying nothing was wrong, that the other person just wanted a little space. Then the speech about how 'It's not you, it's me.' Then the crying part. She'd never thought any of that would ever apply to her and Jace. What they had wasn't ordinary, or subject to the ordinary rules of relationships and breakups. They belonged to each other totally, and always would, that was that. But maybe everyone felt that way. Until the moment they realized they were just like everyone else, and everything they'd thought was real shattered apart."
-from City of Fallen Angels (Mortal Instruments #4) by Cassandra Clare
"Power is a magnet. It draws those who desire it."
-from City of Fallen Angels (Mortal Instruments #4) by Cassandra Clare
"I watch my brothers give their hearts away and I think, Don't you know better? Hearts are breakable. And I think even when you heal, you're never what you were before."
-from City of Fallen Angels (Mortal Instruments #4) by Cassandra Clare
"Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death."
-Song of Solomon
"'All stories are true,' said Isabelle. This had been a tenet of her beliefs since she was a child. All Shadowhunters believed it. There was no one religion, no one truth -- no myth lacked meaning."
-from City of Fallen Angels (Mortal Instruments #4) by Cassandra Clare
"You love each other -- anyone can see that, looking at you -- that kind of love that can either burn down the world or raise it up in glory. No, she would never leave your side. Not while she thought you were in danger."
-from City of Fallen Angels (Mortal Instruments #4) by Cassandra Clare
